Thursday, October 21, 2010

On poopy scrotums and feeling old....

So last night I'm visiting my friend Dawn, who has two boys ages 5 and 7 ish, who she refers to as the gremlins.  Add to this my twin 3 year old boys, Marcus and Zac who are LOUD LOUD LOUD and my oldest daughter Mackenzie who is 6 going on 16 (as they all are) and is DISDAINFUL of all boys.  This has the makings of a great visit huh?

Anyway, the boys are getting toilet trained, their babysitter is much better at this than I am.  I keep forgetting to remind them to go to the toilet, and they are not so good a reminding themselves, often deciding it is a good idea to go to the potty after they have gone in their pants.

Sooo, anyway, here we are drinking wine tea and cowering upstairs away from the children chatting in the kitchen when it becomes evident from the SMELL that one, no make that two of the boys have pooped in their pants, in their underwear, and that once again, I am a slackass who forgot to remind them to go.

Add to this, the boys have developed a sudden, crippling, rigid body screaming fear of Dawn's beagle who is more interested in sniffing out what is in their pants than eating them.  So amid the screaming, I look for a place to change them, I know it's going to be messy so I don't use the kitchen countertop like I usually do (slipping the diaper underneath to protect the food surface...I'm not a total barbarian...)

I decide to use the dog bed, it's on the floor, soft and cushy and already has a lingering aroma that matches the one in the boys pants.  (I flip it over for reasons of hygiene...)

So I'm changing Marcus and I'm just about to throw the diaper on him when I hear Dawn yelling, "the scrotum, you missed the scrotum!"

Now people, I do not profess to be really good at the boy diaper thing...  I started out with a girl, no wrinkly, saggy skin to wipe (no that will be me, when fate pays her back and I'm 93 and it's HER TURN to wipe my...ahem...I digress)  anyway, I say "It's fine...I'll just put him in the tub later"  She scoffs at me and proceeds to muscle me out of the way and takes her turn at the dog bed.

She says, "You have to SPREAD and WIPE"  and proceeds to stretch the poopy, wrinkly body part (with her bare fingers..I shudder.) in question and expertly cleaned it up.  She has two boys, poopy scrotums is what she knows.

I said to her,  "Oh, the internet is sooo going to hear about this tomorrow!"

So now for the feeling old,

I just emailed a younger colleague (I'm 36 she's in her 20's) with a some website changes to make to market a research project I'm working on.

When she suggested some changes to make I wrote, "Make it so,  #1" and then begged forgiveness for the geeky star trek reference.

She emailed me back and said, "Ha Ha, I'm confused, do you mean you want your info to be #1 on the scrolling menu?"

 Sigh,..... maybe scrotums aren't the only thing wrinkly around here....


  1. I'm SO happy you're writing!!! I can't wait to hear about YOUR adventures with your own little hellions!

    Yaaaaaay! I hope you find it as cathartic and rewarding as I do.

    And you are a very good writer. Why haven't you been doing this all along?

  2. Hey B,

    I am so glad that you are so glad. So far I've been writing to 2 friends who read my blog. I'm loving it so far, I love getting smacked in the face with topics in day to day life. When things get hard, at least it's subject matter. And thanks for the feedback, it means a lot to a newbie like me. Any tips you have would be greatly appreciated!