Rules are there for a reason...

Ok so I'm going to write a little about myself here today, the blog is  usually about my blood sucking energy vampires darling children and the general decline in mental function that I experience when trying to play the role of zookeeper responsible parent.

But...there is more to me than just my relationship to the ankle biting set...I have other stuff in my life too.    I belong to a community Theatre group with my BFF's Dawn and CO.  Being shameless attention whores and general exhibitionists, this is a good fit for us, and gives me an outlet for some real drama, not just the cascades of screamy thoughts that rises to crashing crecendos of catastrophe inside of my head.  A little alliteration anyone??

So anyway, Our group has just finished a production of a play. It was a blast.  The thing is, I have this co-star that plays opposite of me, my love interest in the play.  The guy is a bit of a narcissist and for some reason had been bragging all week about how good of a dancer he was.

So after the show we hit a club to do some dancing and shooting pool and the like.  We hit the floor where the guy proceeds to break the cardinal rules of guy dancing:

1.  DO NOT back your butt up against the girl with your arms in the air in the "raise the roof" position. This is never attractive, it is a typical girl move, typically done by too drunk 20 somethings in  a desperate bid for male attention, not attractive in any case.  Do not offer your wildly contorting body to me in some sort of a "behold, you may now lay hands on me" offering.  I'll take the head of a chicken, thankyou.

2.  DO NOT raise your hands past chest level, at any point during the dancing.  Possible exceptions: A. Punjabi wedding B. Rock concert fist pumping C.Songs like  "Jump Around"D by House of Pain or other old school early nineties hip hop..hip hip HORRAY...OOHHHH ...AAAYYY...OHHHH... You get the picture.

3. DO NOT lead with your shoulders.  Men, move your hips in small movements, do not make big lunging movements with your jangley legs, having just had the path cleared with your shaking shoulders.

4. DO NOT dance with Jangly legs....big steps, legs wide apart.  Think, white boys at a barn dance.

5. DO NOT do the side-clap while wildly bobbing your head.  I mean the "I really want to be a spanish Matator, Ole!" side clapping hands up high by the side of the head, or like your a rich guy at a long table in a Carol Burnett skit, summoning the butler to take away the butter.

6.  DO NOT try to garner more attention than the girl that you are dancing with.  Men, you are there to be accessories to us on the dancefloor.  Keep your movements small and your eyes on us, don't look around the room to see who may be watching you.

7.  Most of all, if you are trying to impress someone with your dancing, DO NOT come up to them casually afterward and say, "So, how's my dancing?"

You might just get the attention you were looking for as the crowd watches me vomit all over your shoes.