PEWKs....

So you may have ascertained from the flavor of some of my posts that life can be a bit stressful, that I do not find the job of parenting to be as easy as it looks in the TV commercials for Skippy Peanut butter.  My childhood was a bit... how should I say, dysfunctional and I always vowed that I would have a better relationship with my kids than I had with my mother.   

Having said that, it would be a whole separate world in the blogosphere to write about my mommy issues.  Suffice to say they are still there but have mellowed to the extent that I am driven crazy by them, not deeply emotionally affected by them.  My mother is and always has been a loving and kind person, just a little obsessed with control..and not allowing us to have our own feelings...

ANYWAY...

So before I became a parent I was a PEWK....Parenting Expert WITHOUT Kids.  PEWK's can be identified by the frequent use of words like, "Always" and "Never" in conjunction with their parenting plans.  Like,  "my kids will ALWAYS talk to me, I will ALWAYS  listen to them, they will NEVER eat junk, watch tv, throw tantrums"...etc.  The word JUST is also thrown into the mix, especially when criticizing the observed behaviors of other parents WITH kids.  " Just put him in time out..." "Just talk to him in a reasonable manner and he'll listen"  "Just walk away and cool down instead of yelling".    Sound familiar to your pre-kid self?

So here's the thing that surprised me the most about kids.  I used to think, "they don't have to watch TV or eat junk food, if I never give it to them they'll never know the difference right?"  Laugh at me now, I deserve it, I mock myself on an almost daily basis.  The thing they don't tell you in the Skippy peanut butter commercials is how UNHAPPY kids are most of the time!  The whining, the attention seeking,  the needing every scrap of your attention all of the time until you are a walking shell of your former self (ok bit dramatic there, but I mean really,  check the name of this blog...)  Neither the Skippy commercials, nor the Cosby Show (my only reference to a "normal family") never made reference to the fact that you are in an almost constant state of scanning your environment to find anything, ANYTHING that will make it stop for just a few minutes, that will allow you to go to the bathroom, call the cable company, make a grocery list,  to BREATHE !  And guess what works for a couple of minutes?  Tv, junk food and that damn toy at the checkout that you swore you'd never buy.  It's survival,  PEWKS!

Oh, dear PEWK, just wait until you have kids, until they reach inside of you with their Skippy Peanut Butter covered fingers and yank every smug, self-satisfied preconception out into the light, where they'll stomp all over it and watch you crumple to the ground......begging for them to "JUST  GO AND WATCH SPONGEBOB, ALREADY!"