Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train....

Not that I mean to sound pessimistic or too overly dramatic.  I mean I should be grateful, whenever I complain about how hard motherhood is in general, especially with parenting twins on top of a pretty demanding singleton girl, with a husband that is away most weekends,  I have to stop and remind myself that things could be worse....I watch Jon and Kate plus 8 and think.....

I could have that haircut......

That being said.  I keep waiting for the magic time when I can stop holding my breath for the next scream, and prematurely tensing my entire body waiting for the next crisis down the line (they come in 30 second intervals). Just when things start getting better and I think I can breathe,  another strain of mutant behavior comes along.  

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, for such a prolonged period of time (see first post).  Believe me, I felt like giving up after 1.5 days.  Turns out I can stick with things if they live in my house and won't go away on their own....

I have to watch myself when I tell people that yes, I have twins, and yes they are boys and yes they are toddlers. I usually see the flash of horror, quickly replaced with a look of sympathy and then I get a polite, "Well, you must be sooo busy".  I do not want to unleash the following diatribe, spewing verbal vomitus like some crazy parental homage to the exorcist.  .  I nod and smile politely, while the following is ramping up in my head:

Busy???

Busy is when you are whistling your way through the day, hustling and bustling about, checking off tasks on your to do list and being productive.  I like busy, I'm busy at work it's lovely.

This is not busy.  This is, oh, how should I put it..... emotionally draining and physically exhausting.  It pushes you to the limits of your mental well being and sometimes sends you to the ugly place inside of your head where all of the very bad words live.  Rationality does not exist, traditional ways of coping do not work.  The crying, the "I'm on the top and your on the bottom!, no I'M ON THE TOP AND YOU'RE ON THE BOTTOM" fight (actual excerpt from the car ride to the baby sitter's this morning). The walking them up to the swing and forgetting the lawn chair and realizing that there is no way I'm making it back to get it, that if I try, the screaming and clinging and fighting over which hand they will hold, and dropping to the ground meltdown that would ensue if I tried to walk two steps away from them.  GO ON WITHOUT ME, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT BACK....SAVE YOURSELVES...

Breathe.....

Ok, so I'll tell you the same thing that I lay on these other people, it's not always as bad as that, I'm just dramatic because it helps me cope.

I have to warn you, Monday posts may be a bit RANTY.  They may fall into the "I'm going to go out of my mind, I've just spent the weekend pulling out my hair" category.  Not to worry, I'll be better by Friday, when it will start all over again.

I'll just have to keep BUSY!